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김인호돼지박사(adekosis와 돼지 豚 돼지) - 야후블로그
작성자 김인호돼지박사 (211.xxx.191.xxx) 작성일 2004-11-20 01:49:14
조회수: 1479
돼지와 한국경제 더나아가 돼지와 연관된 세계식량문제해결기술 내용이 담겨진
블로그입니다.아데코시스에 관한 내용도 담겨있습니다...
'아데코시스를 스톱시킵시다(현대양돈에 20회 연재된 바 있슴)"
saloroska (2006-06-02 15:34:26) IP : 218.xxx.165.xxx
Lady on the Bus
A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus; she noticed the man opposite to her was smiling at her so she immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
"Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a sign that said,
"William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly contain myself. ...
BUT your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,
"Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident... " I just lost it."
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rastamaska (2006-06-04 11:31:40) IP : 193.xxx.69.xxx
Hello!!
A woman and a baby went to the doctors. The doctor examined the baby, checked his weight, and slightly concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?
밄reast-fed," the woman replied.
"Would you strip down to your waist please," asked the doctor?
The doctor pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm happy I came."
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sagamaska (2006-06-05 12:07:18) IP : 82.xxx.69.xxx
Women Skinny Dipping
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer , he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said,
"I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast.
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zervolfs (2006-06-06 11:58:59) IP : 218.xxx.77.xxx
16 years later
One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 children.
Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.
So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.
When she got to the hospital she was ok and the babies were fine as well.
16 years later
16 years later the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said "mom mom guess what?"
"What?"
I pissed out a bullet.
So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.
Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said "mom mom guess what I pissed out a bullet."
So the mom told her what happend 16 years ago.
Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said "mom mom guess what?"
The mom said "let me guess you pissed out a bullet."
"No i was jacking off and i shot the dog!"
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sarasyna (2006-06-07 10:40:49) IP : 59.xxx.149.xxx
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One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 뭦enis?in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.
The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 뭦enis?again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day뭩 lesson. Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day뭩 word, larger than the previous day뭩 word.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
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waranusgg (2006-06-07 22:58:25) IP : 63.xxx.93.xxx
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Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "you know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."
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massmediaas (2006-06-08 14:16:38) IP : 220.xxx.92.xxx
Ok, don't shoot me if I actually read this joke on this forum in the first place...
During a visit to the Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug." Do you want a room with or without a view?
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commaanders (2006-06-09 19:25:13) IP : 222.xxx.213.xxx
A prisoner escapes from prison where he has served 15 years. He stops at a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and gets on top of her. He kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he
kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him
satisfaction. This guy's dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too...."
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maximkasg (2006-06-09 19:43:23) IP : 220.xxx.182.xxx
Hello!
A South Carolina farm wife called the
local phone company to report her telephone failed to
ring when her friends called and that on the few
occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned
right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman
proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic
dog or senile lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set,
and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't
ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the
telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole,
the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground
wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current
when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start
moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus
causing the phone to ring... which demonstrates that
some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
A prisoner escapes from prison where he has served 15 years. He stops at a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and gets on top of her. He kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
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kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him
satisfaction. This guy's dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too...."
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fromfrancelove (2006-06-11 10:12:30) IP : 163.xxx.130.xxx
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie
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minightcoms (2006-06-11 13:39:29) IP : 82.xxx.69.xxx
New Toilet Policy
Staff Notice
With immediate effect, a toilet policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for staff, ensuring effective time management and equal treatment for all. On the first day of every month, all staff will be issued 20 toilet trip credits which may be accumulated.
The doors to all toilets will be equipped with computer-linked voice recognition devices. Staff must immediately provide management with two voiceprints, one normal and one under stress. Once the employee's toilet trip bank reaches zero, the doors of the toilet will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first of the month.
In addition, all cubicles are to be equipped with timed paper-roll extractors. If the toilet is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds later, the roll of toilet paper will retract into the dispenser, the toilet will flush and the door will open automatically. If the toilet remains occupied, your photograph will be taken by a security camera and will appear on the Toilet Offenders Board. Anyone appearing three times will forfeit three months' toilet trip credits. Anyone caught smiling when the photograph is taken will
undergo counseling by a clinical psychologist.
Be advised that workmen's compensation insurance does not cover any injuries incurred while trying to stop the toilet paper retracting into the dispenser.
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chinespilots (2006-06-11 22:24:08) IP : 128.xxx.49.xxx
Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
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In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "you know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."
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albacybergirl (2006-06-12 14:33:47) IP : 165.xxx.205.xxx
Hello
Mum & Dad decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with an ice cream and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "There's a car being towed from the parking lot" he shouted.
A few moments passed. "An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company" he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
"The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!
Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex??"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with an ice cream too."
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MickaMause (2006-06-15 06:38:23) IP : 202.xxx.85.xxx
Hello!
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.
Redhead sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"
The redhead said, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
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Hubernators (2006-06-16 02:51:44) IP : 193.xxx.17.xxx
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one -
"Robert, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she asked.
"Just a minute, I have to go piss."
The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"
"What about you John, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, 'll be right back."
The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still
not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table."
"And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us
your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment,
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll
get to meet after supper."
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Melikkalbis (2006-06-16 16:38:32) IP : 211.xxx.102.xxx
Baby powder trick
A married man goes out for a pack of cigarettes one night, and, since the store was closed and the next closest place open was a bar, he decides to go in and have a drink. After a couple of beers, a young blonde sits down beside him. The two start talking, and end up leaving together.
After a long night of sex the man looks at the clock and says, "Oh, my God! My wife is gonna kill me! Quick: Do you have any baby powder?"
"Baby powder?" the woman asks. "Yes, here."
The man spreads the powder all over his hands, and drives home.
When he gets home, his wife asks, "Where have you been?"
He proceeds to tell her about the blonde and the long night of sex.
"You expect me to believe that?" she says. "Let me see your hands."
As he puts out his hands, she says, "You liar! You뭭e been out with your friends all night bowling again!"
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skatesborders (2006-06-17 07:44:04) IP : 58.xxx.0.xxx
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts
around Home Depot when they collide
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm
looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm
looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting
a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with
red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's
wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
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This guy was really sleepy and needed a place to stay for the night. So he sees this barn up the road and asks the guy if he can stay in his barn for the night.
"Sure," says the farmer, "as long as you promise not to stick your winky into the three holes." The man promises, and the farmer leaves him there. Of course, he can't resist, and the farmer is woken up in the middle of the night by screams coming from the barn. The farmer goes down and finds the guy stuck in the third hole.
"What are in these holes?" the guy screams.
"Well," says the farmer, "one of them's my daughter, one's my cow, and one of them's an automatic milking machine that doesn't stop until it gets five gallons."
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asistmaxa (2006-06-18 20:18:49) IP : 210.xxx.67.xxx
Mastermind
Seamus O Brien had been hailed the most intelligent Irish man for three years running. He had topped such shows as Larry Gogans 'Just a Minute Quiz' and 'Quicksilver' (before Bunny Carrs demise). It was suggested by the Irish Mensa board that he should enter into the English Mastermind Championships. He Did, and won a place. On they evening of the competition, Seamus enters from the crowd and placed himself on the Leather Seat and made himself comfortable. The lights dimmed and a spot light pointed at his face.
Magnus said "Seamus, What Subject are you studying?." Seamus responded, "Irish History". Very well said Magnus, Your first Question: "In what year did the 'Easter Rising take Place?' Seamus responds .."Pass"
"OK" said Magnus, "Who was the Leader of the Easter Rising?", Seamus Responds .."Pass"
"OK" said Magnus, How long did the Easter Rising Last?" Seamus Responds.. "Pass"
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amnesac28 (2006-06-19 21:22:31) IP : 85.xxx.117.xxx
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.
Redhead sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"
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The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
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Brazilgirl (2006-06-22 04:02:36) IP : 210.xxx.96.xxx
Super Market mistake
This guy is in line at the Super Market when he notices a hot blonde
behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is stunned that such a hottie would be waving to him, and although
familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?"
She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of
one of my children!"
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful,
"Christ!" he says "are you that stripper at my bachelor party that I had on the pool table in front of all my friends, while your partner whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?"
"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"
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GrineWolf75 (2006-06-23 03:14:22) IP : 194.xxx.130.xxx
Hello!
A woman and a baby went to the doctors. The doctor examined the baby, checked his weight, and slightly concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?
밄reast-fed," the woman replied.
"Would you strip down to your waist please," asked the doctor?
The doctor pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm happy I came."
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MixMusicGirl (2006-06-24 00:22:18) IP : 58.xxx.0.xxx
An English professor wrote on the blackboard:
"A woman without her man is nothing"
and asked the class to properly punctuate the sentence.
All the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing"
All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing"
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mastrochili (2006-06-25 04:08:01) IP : 61.xxx.154.xxx
Buying Presents for the Wife
Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks.
After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."
After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her."
The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."
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franceGirlas (2006-06-26 02:20:37) IP : 210.xxx.96.xxx
Widdle Wabbits
A sweet young girl entered a pet shop and asked, "Do you have any widdle wabbits ?"
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The girl put her hands on her hips and said quietly, "I don뭪 fink my pet python weally gives a shit !!"
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Skorpiodude (2006-06-28 03:23:33) IP : 58.xxx.0.xxx
Hello
A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.
"Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."
"What kind of question?" the neighbor asks.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."
"That's easy," says the neighbor. "You just say, 'Of course I will'".
"Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.
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Two tall trees, a Birch and a Beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the Beech says to the Birch, "Is that a son of a Beech or a son of a Birch?" The Birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The Birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a Beech or a son of a Birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a Beech nor a son of a Birch. It is, however, the best piece of Ash I have ever put my pecker in."
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ActionGirl22 (2006-07-02 07:16:27) IP : 206.xxx.145.xxx
A midwife is walking past the hospital staffroom, when she hears two African doctors talking, "I'm telling you it's wumba: W-U-M-B-A," says the first.
"No. It's woombaa: W-O-O-M-B-A-A," says the second.
"No, no, no. Wumba: W-U-M-B-A," says the first again.
At this the nurse pops her head through the door, "I think you'll find, gentlemen, it's WOMB: W-O-M-B,"
The two doctors look blankly at her, until one of them says, "Madam. I doubt if you've ever even SEEN a water buffalo, let alone heard one fart in a mudpool,".
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Vikingdj (2006-07-03 08:46:16) IP : 219.xxx.229.xxx
I was home visiting my folks and my mom asked me to set the table for dinner.
When I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a photo of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, naked young woman.
"Mom, what's this?" I asked.
"Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat," she answered.
"Is it working?" I asked.
"Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!"
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WildStrike (2006-07-04 11:03:08) IP : 80.xxx.205.xxx
Hard Girl
Three girls are sitting around, totally bored so one girl suggests that they make up nicknames for their ideal boyfriends and name them after soda pops.
"I want mine to be 7-Up, 'cause 7 days a week he's up."
"I want mine to be Mountain Dew 'cause when he's in between my mountains, we'll be doing it."
"Mine's gonna be Jack Daniel's."
"You can't do that. Here we are talking about soda pop and you're talking about a hard liquor."
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kisslovegirl (2006-07-06 12:47:30) IP : 84.xxx.100.xxx
A fiftyish woman was at home, happily jumping up and down on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watched her for a while and then asked, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continued to bounce on the bed and said, "I don't care. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."
The husband said, "What did he say about your 55 year old ass?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.
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MidnigtPost (2006-07-07 09:58:44) IP : 84.xxx.100.xxx
I Love Mustard!
If you have children you will probably relate to this father. As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder
and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin.
I licked it off. It was not mustard!! No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of my routine that the shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said: "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . . "Poupon."
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ReskoRasko (2006-07-09 17:54:10) IP : 222.xxx.30.xxx
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of whom are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the gays' delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Neil says to Bob. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy."
The nurse says, "Oh, sure he's happy now, but just watch what happens when we take the pacifier out of his ass."
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HanjaMorhin (2006-07-10 18:42:11) IP : 59.xxx.62.xxx
Busy Bulls!
A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow."
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GlobalControl (2006-07-13 00:45:09) IP : 221.xxx.147.xxx
Air Freshener
An Avon lady was going in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer.
Two floors later a gentleman got into the elevator. he began to sniff.
The Avon lady asked' "Do you smell something?"
"Well, yes, I do" he replied.
"What does it smell like?"
"Hmmm, I'm not sure, but it kind of smells like someone shit in a pine tree."
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AcrobatLove (2006-07-14 00:39:18) IP : 209.xxx.72.xxx
The last things a woman would ever say
10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of being just
friends.
9. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that
way.
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5. Does this make my ass look too small.
4. I'm wrong, you must be right again.
3. Wow! It really is 14 inches!
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SteveRox (2006-07-15 01:39:48) IP : 209.xxx.72.xxx
Hello !
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
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Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.
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SecondHead (2006-07-16 02:21:06) IP : 213.xxx.155.xxx
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young
woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk,
sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing entered.
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis,
so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic
hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read,
"Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing which said,
"Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
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ValientRurk (2006-07-17 08:04:17) IP : 193.xxx.179.xxx
President Clinton will always be remembered as: 'The President after Bush.'
During Clinton's interview with the grand jury, the prosecutor held up a
picture of Monica and asked the president if he had ever seen the woman.
Bill Clinton replied, 'I've come across her face a couple of times.
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KoshRexus (2006-07-18 10:52:49) IP : 144.xxx.53.xxx
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at covered breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."
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One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
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