최철식(2005-04-04 16:00:17, )

35년만에만난 월남청룡전우와의 조우
"onc　　e a marine,always a marine"이란 말처럼
정말 한번해병이며는 영원한 해병이기에,비록 이 긴35년이란 세월이 흘렀지만,
마주쳐본순간,우리는 표현할수없는 정감을 서로 느낄수있었지요.

서로가 이순의 중턱고개를 오르면서도 그젊은시절,삶과죽음의 경계선을 넘나들은 그혈기에찬
그때의 전우의 옛모습들을 아직도 잊혀지지않고 연상되면서,현제의 현실로 돌아온
우리자신들을 느끼면서도 전우의 얼굴을 만져주고픈 심정이드는것은 웬일일까.

얼굴이 검어보여,아프지않는가.허리가 굽어보여,고생을 많이 하지 않았는가 싶어,
괜히 마음이 아파오고 술을 많이하면 건강에 않좋다고 시어머니처럼 잔소리가 나오고,
긴세월과 싸워온전우의 지친모습을 보면서,그젊은시절의 빛나는눈동자는 어디로 갔는냐고,
자기도 모르게 와락 껴앉고 흐느끼는 우리전우.

그러나 우리청룡전우들은 이세상에 누구보다도 행복하노라고 외친다.
이긴긴세월이 흘러갔더라도,어젯일처럼 서로를 반가히하고 잘기억하고있다는 우리전우들이 있기에.
서로를 아껴주고,존중하며,한없이 전우를위해 베풀고 싶어하는 해병정신이 있기에,

바쁜와중에도 자리를 함께하여준 신완식,권영환,신현기,오정욱수병님 그리고 양선우 수병님께
감사드입니다.

최철식 2005.4.

신현기(2005-04-05 19:12:32)
눈물나는 하루 ..2시간 암튼 최수병님 옛추억 회상헸습니다 금년안에 건강 회복하셔서
진로소주 한잔하는날 기다리겠습니다

신완식(2005-04-06 13:45:18)
죽음의 문턱 구경은 월남전 하나면 족한데,, 이번엔 병마와 싸우느라 또다시 죽음의 문턱을 오가는 고생을 하셨군요.. 그래도 고비를 넘기고 이제 회복기에 접어드셔서 정말 다행입니다.
어서 빨리 회복하여 예전과 같이 포동포동한 예쁜 모습이 되기를 바랍니다.. 필승~!

기타학동(2005-04-06 15:09:07)
오늘 날 뉴스에 오르내리는 그 어떤 성공한(?) 유명인들보다, 선배님들의 노고와 피땀이 더욱 값지고... '존경받을 역사'입니다... ^^

오정욱(2005-04-07 04:43:13)
우리 청룡 6 중대 방석에서 하루중 가장 한가한 시간은 오후 1 시경. 이때 총소리가 끓기고
내 귀에 안들리는 가장 긴시간은 단 3 초. <밤에는 0.1초도 총소리가 끓이질않음>

This page was last updated on: March 17, 2002


WHAT IS POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER?




You have experienced a traumatic event, or a series of traumatic events.
The event may be over, but you may now be experiencing or may experience
later some strong emotions or physical reactions. It is very common, in
fact, quite normal for people to experience emotional shocks when they
have passed through a horrible event.




Sometimes the emotional aftershocks (or stress reactions) appear
immediately after the traumatic event. Sometimes they may appear a few
hours or a few days later. And, in some cases, weeks or months may pass
before the stress reactions appear.




The signs and symptoms of a stress reaction may last a few days, a few
weeks, or a few months and occasionally longer depending on the severity
of the traumatic event. With the understanding and the support of loved
one　s, stress reactions usually pass more quickly. Occasionally, the
traumatic event(s) is so painful that professional assistance from a
counselor may be necessary. This does not imply craziness or weakness. It
simply indicates that the particular trauma was just too powerful to
manage without help.




Here are some very common signs and signals of a stress reaction:




(* Definite indication of the need for medical eval　uation!)




Physical Signs




Fatigue
Muscle tremors
Twitches
Chest pain*
Difficulty breathing*
Elevated blood pressure
Rapid heart rate
Thirst
Visual difficulties
Vomiting
Nausea
Grinding of teeth
Weakness
Dizziness
Profuse sweating
Chills
Shock symptoms*
Fainting




Cognitive Signs




Blaming someone
Confusion
Poor attention
Poor decisions
Heightened or lowered alertness
Hyper-vigilance
Poor concentration
Memory problems
Poor problem solving
Difficulty identifying familiar objects or people
Increased or decreased awareness of surroundings
Loss of time, place, or person orientation
Disturbed thinking
Nightmares
Intrusive images
Poor abstract thinking




Emotional Signs




Anxiety
Guilt
Grief
Denial
Uncertainty
Severe panic (rare)
Emotional shock
Fear
Agitation
Depression
Apprehension
Irritability
Inappropriate emotional response
Intense anger
Feeling overwhelmed
Loss of emotional control
etc.




Behavioral Signs




Change in activity
Change in speech patterns
Emotional outbursts
Suspiciousness
Withdrawal
Inability to rest
Change in usual communications
Hyper-alert to environment
Loss or increase of appetite
Alcohol consumption
Antisocial acts
Non-specific bodily complaints
Startle reflex intensified
Pacing
Erratic movements
Change in sexual functioning
etc.




Source:
Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health



PTSD Characteristics In Veterans:








INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS AND FLASHBACKS:
Replaying military experiences in their minds, searching for alternative
outcomes. Flashbacks triggered by everyday experiences: helicopters, the
smell of urine, the smell of diesel fuel, the smell of mold, the smell of
Asian food cooking, green tree lines, popcorn popping, rainy days, and
refugees.




ISOLATION:
He has few friends. Isolates family emotionally and sometimes
geographically. Fantasizes about being a hermit, moving away from his
problems. Believes no one　 can understand and no one　 would listen if he
tried to talk about his experiences. Isolates himself from his partner,
family, and others with a "leave me alone" attitude. He needs no one　.




EMOTIONAL NUMBING:
Cold, aloof, uncaring, detached. Constant fear of "losing control"... "
I may never stop crying!"




DEPRESSION:
Sense of helplessness, worthlessness, and dejection. Lacks self esteem and
suffers from great insecurity. Feels undeserving of good feelings. Seems
unable to handle it when things are going well, and may appear to try to
be sabotaging the situation.




ANGER:
Quiet, masked rage which is frightening to the veteran and to those around
them. Sublimating the rage against inanimate objects. Unable to handle or
identify frustrations. Unexplainable, inappropriate anger.




SUBSTANCE ABUSE:
Used primarily to numb the painful memories of past experiences. Heavy
use of alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, and other drugs.




GUILT/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS and FEELINGS:




Self-destructive behavior. Hopeless physical fights, single car accidents,
compulsive blood donors. Self inflicted injuries to feel pain - many
accidents with power tools. High suicide rate. Financial suicide. As soon
as things are well off, doing something to lose it all, or walking away
from it. Survivor's Guilt when others have died around them. "How is it
that I survived when others more worthy than I did not?" (more so with
medical personnel)




ANXIETY or NERVOUSNESS:
Uncomfortable when people walk close behind them or sit behind them.
Conditioned suspicion, he trusts no one　. Startled responses.




EMOTIONAL CONSTRICTION:
Unresponsive to self, therefore unresponsive to others. Unable to express
or share feelings, cannot talk about personal emotions. Unable to achieve
intimacy with family, partner, or friends.




DENIAL:
Unable to admit that he has any of the above symptoms or that he may have
PTSD. May deny that his military experience could have anything to do with
his attitude. In extreme cases, will deny that he was even in the
military. Unwilling to seek help. Trusts no one　.




Reprinted from: The Birmingham News
Feb 9. 1998 - Health & Family Section








A MULTITUDE of PHYSICAL PROBLEMS




Wives, Families, and Close Friends:








MEMORIES:
Preoccupation with the veteran. Constant tension and anxiety because she
never "knows what he'll do next". Critical or self-righteous martyr
attitude because of "what he has put me through". Continual manipulation
of veteran and/or circumstances in order to be in control in a situation
that is out of control.




ISOLATION:
May have few friends or be unable to relate to friends as she would like
to because Vet has alienated them with his attitude and actions in the
past. Vet has isolated family and/or is jealous of them. She has alienated
friends because of her constant family hassles. The friends and family she
does have tell her to get rid of him.




EMOTIONAL NUMBING:
Sexual problems. She feels that she cannot be truly intimate with the vet.
Distrust of God, "how could he let this happen?" Low self esteem. Escapes
into fantasy world, TV, thoughts of affairs, compulsive buying, etc. May
lean on children, friends, or mother too heavily for emotional support.




DEPRESSION:
Sense of helplessness and hopelessness, "tired of trying." Low self
esteem, evidenced by poor appearance, dirty home, etc.




ANGER and OTHER RELATED EMOTIONS:
Resentment and bitterness developed over the years not onl　y toward vet,
but others. Withdrawal from vet and family emotionally. Constant fear and
anxiety. May provoke or instigate fights or arguments with vet or take it
out on the kids.




OVER RESPONSIBILITY: (the "Enabler")
In an attempt to keep the family stable, may take over the financial and
other responsibilities as well as the "wife" and "mother" roles leading to
such traits as: think and feel responsible for others, perfectionism,
feels-save when giving, nagging or silence, peace at any price, does
things out of sense of duty, feelings of anxiety, pity, guilt, need to
"help" husband and others, harried and pressured, constant time pressure,
blame the husband or children for spot they are in, feelings of anger,
victimization, feeling a lack of appreciation, and being used.




GUILT:
Guilt for having married a vet as well as guilt for thoughts of leaving
him. Sorry for putting the children through trauma. Constant financial
stress, never knowing how they will be able to pay mounting bills, how
long he will work or fault, if I were a better wife, he would be
different". Feels guilty about spending money on themselves or having a
hard time just having fun. Feels guilty about just about everything. Fears
rejection. Often comes from troubled, dysfunctional family.




STRESS:
Feels that if "one　 more thing happens, I'll loose my mind".
Over-commitment leading to constant time pressure.




EMOTIONAL EXPLOSIONS OR PROJECTION:
Take out frustrations on the children. Children may become severely
withdrawn or demanding, hyperactive, and agitated. Children may have less
friends because of a negative home environment leading to their loss of
self esteem. They may try to find fulfillment in other worthy causes,
including getting overly involved in the church, children's activities,
and other "worthy" organizations or projects.




DENIAL:
Denies that she or the children have problems... "after all, in spite of
the circumstances, look how well I keep it together!" Denial that husband
has problem or totally blames vet for ALL the problems. Denial that the
Lord or others can help her husband or her family.









Sites that vets and/or their families might find helpful. They are for
Mental Health and onl　y one　 is VA or military connected (The National
Center for PTSD the last link on the list).
1. Zoloft.com -has info on depression, PTSD (FIRST drug approved for
long-term treatment of PTSD), panic disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder

2. NCPTSD - National Center for PTSD - This website is designed to serve
the diverse needs of a large array of interested audiences such as:
veterans and other survivors of traumatic experiences, clinicians,
researchers, journalists, family members, students, policymakers, lawyers,
librarians, and others interested in understanding PTSD.
3. Anxiety Disorders Association of America
4. Anxiety and Depression Resource Organization since 1984 - Freedom From
Fear
5. International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies
6. The National Mental Health Association - Leading the Way for America's
Mental Health
7. PTSD - FACTS FOR HEALTH - A reliable and unbiased public service site
about post traumatic stress disorder. The site provides up-to-date,
factual information, a self-test, and a fully searchable database of
clinicians who treat this disorder. The site also provides a free, on-line
consulting medical education course for medical professionals.
8. The Sidran Traumatic Stress Institute
9. National DMDA - National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association
10. AFSP - American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is dedicated to
advancing knowledge of suicide and ability to prevent it.
11. Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation
12. Coping.org - Tools for Coping with Life's Stressors
14. Depression-screening.org
15. NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) - The Nation's Voice on
Mental Illness

16. National Library Service for the Blind & Physically Handicapped -
Other useful web site

What is a Veteran?

A veteran is defined by federal law, moral code and military service as "Any, Any, Any"... A military veteran is Any person who served for Any length of time in Any military service branch. [See #1 and #2, below]

What is a War Veteran?
A war veteran is any GI (Government Issue) ordered to foreign soil or waters to participate in direct or support activity against an enemy. The operant condition: Any GI sent in harm's way.

What is a Combat Veteran?
A combat veteran is any GI who experiences any level of hostility resulting from offensive, defensive or friendly fire military action involving a real or perceived enemy in any pre- or post-designated theater of combat (war) operations. [See #3, below]

NOTE:
1. Veteran's benefits are based on Congressional regulations determined by Honorable Discharge or Under Honorable Conditions status.

2. Retirees (either 20+ years service or medical discharge status) are also Veterans. Retirees are usually eligible for supplementary federal benefits, privileges and access on military installations, but not necessarily VA services, as regulated by Congress.

3. Wartime medals define various levels of individual combat involvement, sacrifice and/or valor.

Contact Person: Roger Simpson,
Public Information Officer: 13105320634.com
The American War Library: http://www.amervets.com
16907 Brighton Avenue
Gardena CA 90247-5420
1-310-532-0634

누가 조국을 배신하는가

우리조국 배신하는 자들아

맑았던 조국의 푸른 하늘에

먹구름이 밀려오고 있으니

그걸 행운의 징조로 보느냐



깨끗이 걷어 치어라

하늘을 덮고있는 먹구름을….

네 마음속 숨어있는 붉은 색깔

어서 흔적 없이 지어버려야 한다



오늘도 닥쳐오는 내일도

네 마음속 야심을 버리고

더없이 맑은 조국의 하늘

볼 수 있는 자만이 애국을 알리라



오늘도 닥쳐오는 내일도

이세상 다할 때까지 영원히

맑은 우리의 하늘 볼 수 있는 자만이

배신자들이 갖는 연민을 알게 되리라



누가 조국을 배신 하는가

사랑하는 조국의 하늘이

구름 한 자락 없이 맑아져

서럽게 살아가지 않는 통일의 날을 맞아

우리 모두 아리랑 함께 부르며 기뻐하리라.

임 종 린


최철식(2005-10-10 01:34:23)

제목;처절한 분노의 절규를 두려워하라,

조국 우리 대한민국을 욕되게하는 기회주의자들이여

너이들은 아는가 애국심이 무엇이라고
조국 대한민국이 있다는것이 얼마나 좋은것이라고

전장터에서 살아 돌아온전우가
갓난아기가 젓꼭지찾아 엄마품에 안기는 포근한맛과 같은 것 이라는것을

나는 그때서야 조국이 중요하다는것을 느꼈네
고향찾아 갈곳이있는 내집같은곳을
늦게서야 느끼네,이바보야,이버러지같은놈아

십년이면 강산도 변한다 던대 어이하여 앞길을 내다보지 못하는고
두눈을 크게뜨고 보아라.부끄럽지도 않느냐.지금까지 이조국에서 너가 살아왔다는것을
엄마품과 같은 이대한민국에서 너가 자유롭게 살아왔다는 것을,

하늘을 가릴여고 아무리 애를 쓰도,시간이가면 빛이 빛치니 누가 누구를 그짓말하느냐
동네방네 웃고있다.입을가리고 말이다.그중요한 조타수가 하는 일을 선장이 모르니
썪은 냄세 가득풍기는 속빈 강정같은 기회주의 한탕주의 철새때들아

백성의 최고의 명예인 국가유공자를 개값처럼 도매급으로 취급한 무식한자들이여
지금도 잊혀져가는 전쟁에서 버려진 전우의 시신을 찾고있는 외국을 뽄받아라.
할일이없어 그런한일을 하는가를
너이들이 그깊은뜻을 어이 알겠느가

격변하는 국제정치속에 가파른외줄타기,국익을위한 살아남기 외교전쟁이지만
어이하여 이땅,이하늘아래서 태극기마저도 못흔들게 했단말인가
무력앞에 무릎을 꿇었다는 말인가,
대한민국은 주권국가도 아닌란말인가

오오,분하도다 정말 분하도다 가슴이 터져나올뜻 분하도다
나에게 용기를 희망을 주소서.젊음은 갔지만 마음과 힘과 용기를 주소서.
아 대한민민국이여,나는 당신의 백성이 아닙니까

청룡 전우 최철식(2005-10-10 01:40:23)
위에 댓글로 올린 저의 글씨는 임사령관님의 시를 읽어보고
저도 마음이 동하고 것도 있고,평소에 생각하는것이 떠올라 생각나는대로 써보았읍니다.필 승.

국립묘지에 전우를 참배하러 온나자신을 보니 나도 한때는 월남전쟁터에 갔다오기는 온모양이다.

전우묘지의 비석을 쓰다덤으면서 여기에 생사를 같이한 전우가 누워있는곳이구나 생각하니,
까딱했으면 나도 옆에 같이 누워있을뻔 했구나.라는 생각이 퍼뜩스쳐간다.
아니,국가의부름에 따라 타국의 전쟁터에까지 가서 총을잡고 싸웠는데,차라리 전사했으면
이좋은땅 국립묘지에 영원히 묻혔으면 더러운꼴보지도않고 더좋았을탠데,라는 생각도 든다.

군인의사명은 명령에따라 죽고사는법,곧명령은 생명일진데,그래야 나라를 궅건히지키고
보전하는법,지치고,견디지못하여,병역의무 하기싫다,하고 국적도포기하고 해외로 도망가는
세상이 되었어니 애국심은 어디로 다 가버렸는고,우리나라사회실상의 현주소를 바로잡아야한다.

육,해,공군의장대는 보이지만 해병대의장대는 보이지가 않는구나.
병무청의 병적증명서 에도 해군소속으로 발급되고있어니 들어가고 나온문이 다르구나.
모든것을 정치적잣대로 저울질하는 우리나라정치풍조,
여차하면 끼리끼리모여, 우리나라 이좋은 파아란하늘을 향하여,무슨죄가많다고 뿔끈진주먹으로
쳐올리는 패거리문화에 길들여진 우리국민들.누가 이렇게 만들었는가 깊이깊이 반성하자.

전시관에는 그래도 월남화보가 더러있을뻔한데 눈에띠는것이 별로없구나
재건축,리모댈링 바람도 부는데 지방도시의공원에 비하여 구태의연한 느낌을주니`,
끄떡하면 예산타령이니,국립묘지도 예산이없어 그러한가 모르겠다.

민족의흥망성쇄는 위대한지도자의 탄생에 달려있는법.
모든국민을 하나로 뭉치게하는 능력있는 위대한지도자밑에는 준비된훌륭한부하들이 몰려드는법.
우리참전전우만이라도 우선 굳게 단결하자.
그리고 결코이익만을위한 목적으로 상대방을 비방하지말자.
나라를 먼저생각하자.언제가는 죽어 이땅의 한줌의 거름으로 돌아갈터인데. 필 승.



최홍식(2005-07-28 17:22:20)
최철식선배님,구구절절이 시원한 말씀만 하시니 염천에 간장이 시원합니다. 어느놈이 간첩인지,
애국자인지 모를 세상에...그래도 요즘은 해병대가 잘나가는것 같습니다 같읍니다.

최철식(2005-07-28 20:26:57)
최홍식전우님.
저뿐이 아니고 마음이 통하는분이 계시니 정말 고맙고 반갑읍니다.



대한민국 국적을 포기한자에게 고함


대한민국 국민의 병역의무를 스스로 거부하고,

민족을 배반한 유다같은 종족들이여,

영원히 이땅에서 자손대대로 추방될지어다.


아, 대한민국이여,

우리를 키워준 조국,이 땅이여,

분노를 억제하소서.


우리가 끝까지 죽음으로서 지켜드리오리다.



필승.

대한민국 청룡전우 최철식. 2005.5.